I'm always amazed at how much my baby acts and looks like me. Her mommas family is totally jealous that there is no hardy gene whatsoever. I do have to say that it all makes me very happy. I do, however have to credit the eyelashes to her mother. no one else could have given this sweet little girlie those fluttering lashes. SO, that having been said, I love this shot. Maddie is a very particular girl. I love that when she is crying and fussy in the car that her mom and I can just turn up some music and it soothes her. I'm pretty sure she likes acoustic folk just like her old man, and I'm happy to educate her in the ways of good music. That is something I can pass along to my little girl. and I'm happy to do it. Lets just hope that in 15 or so years she still listens to the good stuff. If you have any question of what that is... check the bottom of the blog.
I find that the only time that I blog is when I feel like talking but there is no one around to talk to. I guess this is like talking to myself. I am happy and sad to say that I start back in school in less than a month. I hate to admit that summer comes to an end. I kind of wish that june july and august would just start over and over, alot like groundhog day but not as repetious. I am however, happy to get back in school because it means that I will be one more semester closer to my degree. yipeee. it just blows my mind how fast my life is flying by. not only is the summer over but the baby that patricia and I waited for for 10 months is almost 5 months old!!! i realized that by christmas, she will be crawling. I will have to admit that this christmas will be fun, just as long as i can keep my sanity till then.
So, I have decided that is is far too hot in my bedroom to go to sleep. And also that patricia, my wife, bitched me out about having a Tv in the bedroom. Not a big deal. I told her that I would take it out tomorrow. The fact of the matter is that I dont like fighting and that its not a big deal if I give in every now and then. On to other news.... Lately I have been really questioning what I want out of life. I used to think that I wanted to make it as a big star in NYC and do the whole acting scene. Barely surviving and living off of day old bagles... but being happy for what exciting life I was living. I wanted to go and tear it up. what ever it was. Traveling, peace corps, working great jobs.... what ever it was that would enable me to have great stories, thats what I wanted. I thought the other night about what my life consisted of and I got a little sad that my 16 year old self had great dreams, but my 25 year old self had reality. My reality is... I am going to school while my wife works and I take care of my 4 month old baby. I have a morgage, 2 dogs, and many adult bills. (that is in no way refrenced to porn bills). To be honest it was a pretty hard pill to swallow. not only had I not done what I expected to acomplish by 25 but there was also no intention of changing what I am doing. Was my family and the man I have become stoping me from experiencing my great life?
I questioned if I was wasting my time, as far as experiences go. Ill still have a lot of schooling to do and I wonder if I can get though it sometimes without going crazy. But after all that crazyness goes away, I realize that I have a beautiful wife that loves me enough to go to work and leave her baby so I can get done with school faster. i also have a beautiful baby girl that melts my heart everytime she smiles at me. somehow thats all I need to press though it. Im not wasting time because school is a way to obtain all that I want to acomplish.
So when my kids ask me about my life... ill be able to tell them a great story, because I did it. I will have experienced ridin' down the west coast on a harley, skydiving, traveling, serving others, and last of all, I would have lived a life of love and excitement with my family, instead of having them tie me down.
Alright! Lets just say for starters that The Dark Night came out last night and I am stoked to go see it tonight because I was not fortunate to enjoy the premire not having a babysitter. It's ok, i'll see it tonight. Since Patty has been working and I have been staying home with Maddie, I have really enjoyed the time spent with her. Expecially the earley mornings where she is a wiggle worm and won't stop moving. At the time of course I hate it, but looking back on it, it has really been a bonding experience for me and my little girlie. I put her on one side of my arm and wrap her up with the blankets so her arms dont move and wake her up. Then all I see it a little face wraped in blankets and sheets looking up at me. It's something I will miss and I dont think I will get the chance to enjoy that moment with any of my other kids because I will be working. I also feel bad for my lady patty; she is working so hard for our little family while I stay home and take care of the little booger. Thats hard on anyone, I am anxious for the next couple of months because patty is going to be working when maddie is going though all her "firsts"... first turn over, first crawl, first walk, first tattoo, =) well, you get the drift. All will change in the future.
I dont believe that anyone is going to read this. I dont read any one elses blog so why should I expect anyone to read mine? right? It is however 1:35 in the a.m. and I have a lot on my mind so why shouldn't I write my most sacred thoughts down and share them with the world? Ha! why the hell not. right? lately I have been feeling like I need to break free, as I always do when I am restricted to life. I have decided that my one fatal flaw is that I can't just sit still and be happy. I find that I am too busy looking for the next big adventure that I miss the one i'm going through. I just had a baby girl... Maddie. She is my everything. I love her more with every smile she gives me but, I find myself saying, I would love you to be more indepentent, (mind that she is 3 1/2 months old) I wish you could walk, or I wish you could talk. Then I stop and realize that, wait, she will never be this little again! I'm missing out on inportant moments in parenthood. Then I feel like a terrible person, and even worse, a terrible father for wishing thoes things. I wonder if i'm the only one? I'm sure there are others like me but, it seems that i'm the last of my kind. While im contenplating parenthood... I might as well discuss this topic. John Mayer has a song called "stop this train", if you have never heard it, check it out. In the song he has a line that sayes, " Im only good at being young." I once told my mom right before I got married at the ripe old age of 20, that I still feel like a kid. She told me that you never truly feel grown up. At that moment my mom went from being my idol, my fail-safe go to girl, to a real person with problems just like mine. Well, maybe not Just like mine. But she was more human that I had ever seen her. And I think that everyone has to go through that as they get older. Realizing that your parents are human. I think back on that when I have a panic attack thing about me being in charge of another human life. It helps to know that we are all human, just like our parents before us. thus is the circle of life, to screw up your kids life a little less than you parents did to you.
I love being with my beautiful wife Patricia, my baby girl Madeline, and our 2 puppys, franky (short for Franklyn Delano Rosevelt) and Sissy. I like listing to new music and watching movies, working out, Swimming, Hiking, playing D.J. in the car, Strumming tasty licks on my gutiar, and Flooding my life with people that make me happy.