Friday, July 25, 2008

Tie me down???

So, I have decided that is is far too hot in my bedroom to go to sleep. And also that patricia, my wife, bitched me out about having a Tv in the bedroom. Not a big deal. I told her that I would take it out tomorrow. The fact of the matter is that I dont like fighting and that its not a big deal if I give in every now and then. On to other news.... Lately I have been really questioning what I want out of life. I used to think that I wanted to make it as a big star in NYC and do the whole acting scene. Barely surviving and living off of day old bagles... but being happy for what exciting life I was living. I wanted to go and tear it up. what ever it was. Traveling, peace corps, working great jobs.... what ever it was that would enable me to have great stories, thats what I wanted. I thought the other night about what my life consisted of and I got a little sad that my 16 year old self had great dreams, but my 25 year old self had reality. My reality is... I am going to school while my wife works and I take care of my 4 month old baby. I have a morgage, 2 dogs, and many adult bills. (that is in no way refrenced to porn bills). To be honest it was a pretty hard pill to swallow. not only had I not done what I expected to acomplish by 25 but there was also no intention of changing what I am doing. Was my family and the man I have become stoping me from experiencing my great life?
I questioned if I was wasting my time, as far as experiences go. Ill still have a lot of schooling to do and I wonder if I can get though it sometimes without going crazy. But after all that crazyness goes away, I realize that I have a beautiful wife that loves me enough to go to work and leave her baby so I can get done with school faster. i also have a beautiful baby girl that melts my heart everytime she smiles at me. somehow thats all I need to press though it. Im not wasting time because school is a way to obtain all that I want to acomplish.
So when my kids ask me about my life... ill be able to tell them a great story, because I did it. I will have experienced ridin' down the west coast on a harley, skydiving, traveling, serving others, and last of all, I would have lived a life of love and excitement with my family, instead of having them tie me down.

1 comment:

Patty said...

I finally read your blog and it makes me kind of sad that I if I had just kept quiet for more than two seconds, I'd get to hear all of these wonderful things you have to say. I am sorry that I have not let you do that. Great, that's all I need, more guilt. Just know honey, that life is going to get better. Believe me that it will and we will have a lot more time and definitely money to do the fun stuff that you set out to do. I hope that you truly have fun with me, because you are my everything. Nothing in this world is as important as you are. You remind me every time I see you. I love you baby. I am so happy that I have a beautiful perfect daughter with you. Ti Amo
Patty